It’s amazing how holistic we are. One area of our lives affects others, etc.

I’ve had to deal with a few things over the last few days that have massively drained my emotional juice. I’ve had to be strong, which is fine, but it has taken its toll more than I realized. I guess also with the rigors of readjusting to the sleep challenge, willpower has been in short supply.

It was kind of a strange feeling this morning. I went to sleep as usual at 4 am and woke up 20 minutes later with my alarm. I was fully awake and ready to go, except I couldn’t get myself to get off the couch (I sleep on the couch for my 4am sleep so I don’t disturb Cat). I didn’t need to go to sleep, but I couldn’t manage to do anything else, so I set my alarm for another 20 minutes and went back to sleep. I then repeated that another two times. The last one I didn’t wake up to my alarm and slept tile 8, when I set my alarm for 20 minutes, slept and got up feeling totally drained.

It was weird.

I wasn’t snoozing. I was genuinely waking up and making a conscious decision to go back to sleep, even though I had the heater on in the study (so it was nice and warm) and was freezing on the couch. That’d normally be enough to motivate anyone to get up.

It leads me to think that this willpower thing might be more important than energy. I had plenty of energy, just not the willpower to use it. I don’t think I’ve been in that situation before.

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